Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

I’m not usually one for “self help” books – especially celebrity ones.  Still, one day, when I turned on NPR, Ms. Rhimes was being interviewed about her new book, Year of Yes.  I was suddenly in rapt attention.  She was witty, smart-mouthed, exceedingly down-to-earth and wow – a woman of color, and a driving force in the male-dominated world of network television.

Later that day, as a treat after teeth cleaning, I ducked into a favorite bookstore in the Marina and picked up Year Of Yes, certain it wouldn’t be for me, but 20 pages later, laughing out loud in the aisle, I had to buy it.

Shonda Rhimes is the creator and producer of Thursday night network television – Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder.  She claims she merely “makes stuff up for living” – which has made her a highly-respected television mogul and a multi-millionaire.

Although I was a fan of Grey’s Anatomy (until Sandra Oh left), I’ve never watched any of her other hit series.  But I’ve always admired that all her shows feature characters whom reflect what she calls normalcy – all races, ages, sizes, sexual orientation and backgrounds.  Creating and producing these ground breaking dramas we find out took guts, perseverance and some major rule breaking.  No gentle “lean-in” for Ms. Rhimes — she kicked down doors, stereotypes, racism, sexism, and a few butts along the way — all in order to get her ground breaking, vibrantly diverse shows on air.

This part self-help – but mostly memoir reveals that as strong as Ms. Rhimes was at work, internally she was a shy introvert, was most comfortable writing alone in mismatched pajamas and wished to remain very far removed from the typical Hollywood hype.

When I first got a publicist, I told him and his team that my main reason for having a publicist was so that I never ever had to do any publicity.  Everyone thought this was a joke, I was not joking.

 Ms. Rhimes is a highly-educated, hard- working genius, raising three children as a single mom and a sister in a large competitive family – that seemed enough and protected her from having to say yes to things that made her uncomfortable.

Then, one Thanksgiving morning, her older sister angrily mutters that she never says yes to anything — not to social events, publicity, family affairs,  or to having fun.  This proved to be a turning point for Ms. Rhimes as she realized her excuse of being too busy with three prime-time television shows and raising her daughters on her own — was actually a cop-out.   Ms. Rhimes began to discover that her “no’s” were preventing her from fully experiencing her life — trapping her in negativity and isolation.

So begins her scary year of saying yes.  Yes to accepting compliments and the help she needs to balance her career with single motherhood and yes, to taking care of herself —  which results in a 100+ lb weight loss.

Ms. Rhimes gives herself permission to answer the question “How do yo do it all?” with the honest answer – she doesn’t.  She credits and idolizes her live-in nanny, makes no excuses when relying on Costco baked goods for school events (despite the other mothers’ home baked offerings) and gives herself permission to unashamedly practice “badassery”.

One chapter relates her decision to remain single and the hurt she causes the men she’s loved in her life.   And to those who ask, she answers that  their idea of a happily-ever-after ending is not the same as hers. Again, yes to her life choice(s).

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t say no…

No is a powerful word. To me, it’s the single most powerful word in the English language. Said clearly, strongly and with enough frequency and force, it can alter the course of history.

Her public calendar becomes full.  She revels at sitting  next to First Lady Michelle Obama at the Kennedy Center Honors – and realizes that, a year ago, she would have turned down this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If you google Shondra Rhimes you can watch her interviews and public appearances with Oprah, Jimmy Kimmel, even a commencement address to her alumni at Dartmouth.

But, I believe her best speech is a short one, when she was awarded the Sherry Lansing Award for leadership.  Here Ms. Rhimes credits the many, many women who came before, those who actually broke the glass ceiling so that women in the last 20 years could be successful.  Recommended viewing HERE.

Trust me, Year of Yes is not a fluffy celebrity memoir with advice thrown in, Ms. Rhimes doesn’t preach or condescend.  She touts a mean work ethic and her message is; you’ve just got to do it — the impossibly difficult, soul-breaking work; you can’t (and won’t) be able to do everything; you will make sacrifices; you’ll make mistakes – but no matter what, you continue to do the hard work.

Year of Yes is a quick read, it’s funny and down-to-earth, but don’t sell it short – within its short pages are the thought-provoking life lessons learned by a woman overcoming her fears, succeeding on her own terms and being comfortable with all of it.  She ends the book with this:

I am different.  I am original. And like everyone else, I am here to take up space in the universe.  I do so with pride.